It's 1.13 a.m and I am still awake. So gonna be cranky when I'm sending ze brothas later on. Currently listening to Maddi Jane's version of Jar of Hearts. 

"I wished I had missed the first time that we kiss. Cause you broke all your promises."

Been listening to this song ever since Azra introduced this song, whom originally sang by Christina Perri (is that how you spell her name?). But I still love Maddi Jane's version better. Haha. Anyways, before I listen to the song, I was listening to the song Hati Yang Kau Sakiti by Rossa. The first time I've heard the song was after I watched the Indonesian sinetron, Air Mata Cinta as this song was the opening and the closing theme for the song. 

The credits to Air Mata Cinta.

I just love the drums and the guitars in this song. And Rossa. Oh how I love Rossa's voice. She's a petite woman with a larger than life voice. Anyways, it has been a while since I've listened to that song. I remembered I used to listen to that song every single day. I even made it as my message tone :O until my ex-boyfriend even asked,"why do you choose that song as your message tone? Who hurts you?". Deep down in my heart, my answer was, "YOU,". But of course, I couldn't say it to him right? Cause at that point, he makes me a happy person. However, when we are far away from each other, or when we fight (when we are far away from each other) or just during our stupid small fights that turns to a big one, it hurts so much I just can't understand why. Only now I understand why. 

I think he is that person. Who gives me the unexplained happiness; but at the same time gives me unexplained sadness too. As the lyric goes:

"Ku menangis, membayangkan. Betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku."

Yes A. That was what you did to me. But despite the way everything ends, I still couldn't hate you. I don't know why. I couldn't hate her either. Maybe you both deserve each other. And I wish luck to both of you. As for now, I am living. Though it may be half alive. But at least, I am living. I never hated you in the first place, and I never will I suppose. You thought me not to hate a person; because before this I used to be a person who hates those who hurt me. Now that you have hurt me, I'm supposed to hate you. But I can't. I just can't. Don't you worry A. I have forgiven you, a long time ago, deep in my heart. Because all I wanna do now is to move on. 

And forget you, if that is possible. 




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