C'est La Vie

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*background music: Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz*

This post is specially dedicated to my best friend, Hany Kipalli.

Remember the time when I asked you to listen to Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz for the first time to understand my feelings towards him (whom shall I call, Mr Vadega. That is not his real name. Identity is sealed to avoid any misunderstandings) and you'll understand how I felt? At that time, my intention was to tell you that, I do love him, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to tell him how I feel. Hence, the DISTANCE.

But you said, this song has a really sad meaning (although I can't seem to recall now what you said about it though) and that you're sad because I felt that way, and that I shouldn't feel that way, especially when it comes to loving someone.

Today, as of 17/12/2012, I found out that the song is indeed about loving someone at the wrong time in your life, where you can't express your true feeling towards the person. Christina Perri said, "it's very hard to keep a love secret", which I really agree, because as days progresses by, it's getting obvious that I was in love (or perhaps, infatuated) with Mr Vadega. That towards the end, hurts me. And I had promised myself that I will continue to love him, as long as I don't hurt myself. But I broke my own promise. You know that, you are the witness. It was a very emotional roller coaster, that makes my break up one year ago seems easier to forget. And so, I can conclude that, our timing is never right to begin with. Primary school days, secondary school days, university days. Our timing is never right. Unfortunately.

So, I guess I had live the first irony of love, "loving the right person at the wrong time" for this year. Last year was "loving the wrong person at the right time". I just hope, I don't have to live through the third irony of love. Love is not for me, well, at least for now. I assume that God wants the best of me in something else first, and only then, love will come to me.

Yes, I am a big believer of "everyone has their own soulmate". You may puke upon reading this, but it will not change my opinion on this. Never. I'd like to believe that I'm just unlucky in love, for now that is. For the time being, I'll just concentrate on making the people around me happy, and maybe then, I will be happy.

And I'll make sure to keep my distance, say I love you when you're not listening. How long can we keep this up, up, UP?

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Last Wednesday, after three days staying with Vic at Allamanda, I finally went back to my home sweet home. But before heading home, I decided to go and visit my grandma since it has been a while since I last visited her, and I'm worried that after Wednesday, I might not have the time to visit her over the weekends. But papa is back, so I guess we'll be visiting with her again this weekend :D.

So I had many talks with her, about history, Chinese dramas (yes, I do watch Chinese drama, ONLY with her, haha), life, etc. During one of those talks, Aunty Cyn suddenly talked about Mount Santubong. I think it was Aunty La who started talking about it. And then ama told us that Mount Santubong's shape actually looks like a woman. Then I remembered I told this fact to someone when we went to the beach exactly one month ago and that we actually took photo with the mountain as the background. So I showed to ama (that's how I call her) the photo of us and she was like,

"Who is this guy? He looks so handsome and tall."

I told her, he's the Chinese friend (if you actually read my blog, yes, I've actually talked to my grandma about you. Tidak apa kan?) that I told her about. Yalah, nama pun kawan kan? But typical orang tua, every boys who took photo with me, are my "boy"friends. Baiklah *nods*. And then she asked me where he's from, what Chinese is he (you know, Foochow kah, Teochew kah, like that bah) etc. so I told her. After I told her those information, she suddenly said this,

"If possible, don't get married to a Chinese. You'll end up 'nguai' to them."

For those of you who wonder, what is 'nguai', it is actually an Iban tradition where it determines who you are going to live with after you got married, either with your husband's family side, or your side, if you are a woman and vice versa for the male. I don't really understand much of the adat because my parents never talk to me about it, maybe because they don't want me to get married (their secret wish, who knows? Haha), but I found out eventually from my friends, as well as ama. But I'm gonna explain it anyways, though this is not my words, it's taken from another blog (click here to go directly to the post).

"In the ancient days, the Ibans were very particular about their daughters and sons going to marry. This was because 'nguai' was a very important issue in the social and economic system of the Iban people.- In the modern day of Iban, though the 'Nguai' system seems not so significant anymore, but its a tradition that will take place during the wedding ceremony. And mostly, people nowaday will choose 'Tengah Hari', means not 'Nguai' to anybody.

Basically, there are 2 adat exists in the 'Tikah Iban'

1. Ambi Indu - (Take the women - The women will 'Nguai' to her husband.
2. Anjung Lelaki - (Send the man - The man will 'Nguai' to his wife.
Some you may wonder, what is this 'Nguai' anyway?
Nguai is a practice to decide whether the woman should stay with her own family (Not Nguai to her husband) or not (Nguai to her husband) after the marriage, and VICE VERSA.
Should an Iban family has only a daughter, her intended husband and his family should agree to let him live with the girl's family. His social status would then be of a son-in-law who becomes a part of the family - physically, socially and economically. If his family did not agree with the terms and conditions, the mariage will not take place and the girl's family will have to find another suitor. However, if the man is the only son in the family, then his family sets the rule. The marriage would not take place if the girl's family did not agree with his rules."

Upon hearing what she said (the "nguai" thing), my heart fell. And suddenly I remembered about what she previously had said about most guys I befriended. That Iban guys are like this, Bidayuh guys are like that. Orang Ulu guys are like this and that. Now, Chinese people are like this that that this. So, if that's the case, nobody is good enough to be with me lah? And I will end up forever alone (God, don't take this to heart. I know You are always there. I mean in terms of companionship) lah if like that? Am I that great of a person that I cannot end up being with anyone I want? Maybe what she was trying to tell me is one thing, but for my 22-year-old mind, this is how I interpret it currently. So now, I'm not suppose to be in a relationship for I'm still studying, at least that is what I interpret of what my parents are signalling. But what if one day, when I'm a career woman, an independent woman, and I don't want to be tied down, you people are asking me to find a companion; doesn't that mean it's contradicting with what you have told me earlier? Sometimes orang tuai speaks of things in a confusing manner, and I as the youngster interpret it on another manner makes me even more confuse of what I want and what they (as in my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles) want for me. And to add salt at that, I am the kind of person who actually cares about what people think about me, when I am alone. Which is not a good thing I tell you.

Perhaps, happy ending is not meant for me yet. I guess I'll just have to wait for another year. Sigh.

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Currently taking a break from studying Investment. Still got 5 more chapters to go, and I haven't even started on a few other subjects that also have midterms after the holidays. And I have to study like, 4 - 5 chapters for the other subjects as well. Honestly, one week holiday is not enough. Still wondering how I'm gonna survive this semester. The motivation is there, the EFFORT (yes, surprisingly) is there. But....... the timing? Oh I don't know. Can I just quit studying and become a professional dancer for Rihanna? Is it not too late? I mean, look at the dancers' body, super FIT! Rihanna even has a 6 pack for goodness sake. Whereas for me, my belly is like a jelly and my arms looks like chicken drumstick. Okay, I'm exaggerating but hey, I really should do something about that.

As you can clearly see above, I look like a pregnant woman! And I'm not pregnant.

Okay, so her six pack can't be seen here (Idk when this photo was taken) but my point is, LOOK AT HER BODY!!! If that's what being a dancer makes me, well, I would quit doing degree and be a dancer.

Okay, I was kidding.

I won't quit being a student, not when I'm in my final year right now. Like Queen said in their song, the show must go on, no matter what.

But I do miss dancing though. I miss doing flash mobs with the Sarawak Flash Mob Move 2012 crew. The flash mob in Unimas ain't really a flash mob. It's more like, dancing beramai-ramai. Tidak percaya? This is Gangnam style that we did during the faculty's orientation.

P.s. I was in the video, if you can spot me, do tell me. Haha. *perasan*

This one, I've gotta admit, is a great effort done by those from Kelab Kebudayaan Allamanda, also known as KEKAL. But unfortunately, the song choice is a bit meh for me. I mean really. Do re mi? Budak tadika kalau disuruh menari confirm nak. That's my two cents lah.

And this, is memang menari beramai-ramai. But I really enjoy during this time because the juniors are so sporting and outgoing. During my time, we were passive aggressive. Haha.

The song is call Xi Shua Shua. Lagu Chinese yang sangat cute. Haha.

When will I get the chance? Haihhh...

I miss this moment, very much.

My first time joining flash mob. And I never look back since then.

I think I've had enough on investment for tonight. Shall call it a night. Goodnight darlings!

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Look at these faces. Priscilla at the most left, Rachel at the most right. Priceless, no?

Yup, that is basically what happened today. This month, two of my bestest friends celebrated their birthday. Priscilla's on the 13th, Rachel's on the 22nd. And since their birthday falls on the same month, along with the rest of the girls, we decided to celebrate their birthday together last night at Premier 101 and yes, it was suppose to be a surprise. But due to certain circumstances, that plan had to be discarded and I had to shift the plan to Thursday since both the birthday girls are in the same class as I.

The initial plan was to surprise the girls in class during break time. But Priscilla said she wouldn't be attending the class as she was only half awake (no, I am not kidding you. That is what she texted me. Haha.); though she will be meeting me at the faculty since we want to see our supervisor, Dr Evan. So I had to change the plan to after class because we don't have class after our Entrepreneurial Finance.

But again, some minor things didn't go according to plan because our class ended super early, Pris was still at Cais, and we had no "modal" to keep Rachel to stay that Tina had to say asked Rachel to wait for another friend of theirs. So, Mijot and I, along with Hany were standing at the faculty's lobby, wondering what might happened and whether it will work.

After what had seemed an eternity, Pris texted saying that she had arrived so I went to fetch her at the parking area at the faculty; however Rachel seemed like she wants to leave already. I was a bit worried at that time if the surprise might not work :(. Luckily, Rachel stick around, and then Pris and I came and we were 'reunited' at the lobby.

Suddenly....... *cue in the dramatic music sound effect*

I decided to made a speech *what was I even thinking at that time? When I think back, I sound like a YB pulak* saying

"Now, oleh kerana semua dah ada di sitok, sebenarnya, aku ada hajat nak disampaikan...."

And Mijot bring out the cupcakes and I brought it to the girls, and we (as in Mijot, Tina, Hany and Ling, my coursemate) started singing "Happy Birthday" to the girls. We got stares from those who were around but hey, it doesn't matter. If it was your friend's birthday, I know you would do the same, no? After that, the rest was history. We took some photos, and laugh, and eat. How I love that moment, where you are surrounded by the people you love, and feel happy. I know Ling and Hany feel the love, don't deny it okay? Haha. The birthday girls even got birthday wishes from random strangers, well, they are not strangers lah. They are our juniors.

Now, I shall let the pictures do the talking :)

Mijot trying to light up the candle but unfortunately, it was too windy. Boohoo.

I think this was the time I made that "YB" speech. Lols. Look at Hany's expression.

Asked the girls to make a wish. Bebena juak lah rupa Chel molah wish nya lok. Haha. But whatever your wishes are girls, I hope it come true ;)

The girls (from L - R): Mijot, Tina, Rachel, Priscilla

With yours truly :)

October babies!

Born: Priscilla Siaman Tylors.
D.O.B: October 13

Born: Rachel Rinta Anak Nelson Nyanggau
D.O.B: October 22

And they are the blessings that God gave to me :)

Since these girls are born in October, they are Libras! Very compatible with Aquarius *coughs*; explains why Rachel is my soul sister and Priscilla, well, we have the same random outbursts at very random moments. And did I mentioned that we both have Dr Evan as our supervisor for our final year project, AND that our FYP projects are from the same field? Well, yeah. That explains it. Since we celebrated you girls' belated birthday, I'm gonna end this post with a daily horoscope for Libra for today. It says,

"Now is the time to make your move romantically. If you’re already with someone, shower them with gifts and affection or just request some time alone today or tonight. You won’t be sorry!"

Don't ask me why it is like that. Haha.

Again,

Happy birthday Chel & Pris! :)

P.s. Victoria and May, you miss all the fun, but we still love you. Hugs and kisses from us!

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