My 3 a.m thought part II

nowplaying: Try - Colbie Caillat

I don't normally cry in front of my friends (happy tears are a different thing though).
As far as I remembered, I only cried to a number of people that I can count with my own hands. 
The only person who consistently had seen/heard me cry is the best friend.
The kumangs had seen me cried once (the one where I sobbed so bad that all I need is a hug to cool it down), and me shedding a few tears once.
Told them before that I don't normally let people see me cry because I don't want them to feel sorry for me.

I don't know why I let my guard down that night.
I don't know why my brain didn't tell the tears receptors in my eyes to not shed a tear in front of someone who I barely knew.
I don't know why I told you about the sad story of how my relationship ended, and how it (somehow) become a turning point for me to building a great wall of China around my heart.
I can ask myself with so many "I don't know whys...." and yet a fact remains.

I let my guard down, and you exploited it.
You exploited my vulnerableness that night, managed to win my heart, and subtly making your moves.
Real smooth, cowboy. Real smooth.
I doubt you even remembered why I cried so hard that night.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked me the next day when I clearly moved on from the reason(s) why I cried.

I guess, one cannot control when they let their guard down.
Because sometimes, it just happens.
But the fact that a person exploited a vulnerable person, is just beyond my understanding.
I hope that the next time someone opened up to you, you do not exploit her, like you did to me.
Because I'm sure you wouldn't like it, if someone exploited your vulnerability. 
*usually, this is when a normal person would include a karma quoted shit, but I've decided not to because he is just not worth it at all.*

I am so done..... with your bullshit sweet talk about wanting "to kiss me again".
I am so done.
Go find someone you can kiss and then eventually fuck, because that is what you really want, no?

That someone is just not me though.


2 comments darling:

  1. Hope you're alright dear. It's ok to cry once in a while, letting it down. But in time, I hope you will also heal. Hang on in there. Your fairy tale is coming soon. Amen.

    1. I'm okay actually. And not even a shred of tears had dropped from my eyes because I don't feel it is worth it at all. Just frustrated though that I let myself be played again, even exploited at the moment of vulnerableness for that matter. As for now, I'm concentrating on preparing myself to be a better person, a working lady and the fairy tale will hopefully come after everything is stable in my life. Thanx for the hope and prayer. Really appreciate it :)


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