My 3 a.m thoughts

nowplaying: Near To You - A Fine Frenzy

After a lengthy heart-to-heart talk with a male friend, I conclude that I am going to delete whatever that is in my heart (or my brain, for that matter) on anything that is related to you.
Sure, we have been contacting each other on again, off again since 3 years ago.
But somehow, after what you did the last time (lead me on, make me feel special, and eventually develop feelings towards you which leads to you telling me that you're actually in a relationship), I never felt so stupid like how I felt two nights ago.
I kept telling myself that I don't want to make the same mistakes that I did six, seven, eight years ago, today, this year, or next year, for that matter.
And look where I am now?
Almost, ALMOST, making that same mistake.

Why do I say almost?
It is because unlike six, seven, eight years ago, I have no male companion to talk about, to tell me that the guy has no intention of turning whatever you have into a real relationship.
I am also not the same person I was six, seven, eight years ago.
Heck, I am not the same person I was a year ago.
I've grown, I've matured in my thinking.
I may be an intuitive person (my intuition are 90% correct most of the time), but now I take my brain with me whenever I think,
and not let the fact that just because we kissed, we had something special.
I know better now.

I know well enough that your excuses of "being busy with work", is just an excuse.
*thank you dear best friend for that He's Just Not That Into You book*
I know well enough that the fact that you only contact me via Whatsapp instead of making an effort to at least call me once in a while to ask about my day (wtf, you never asked about my day. Only I do. All you do is talk about how that kiss "meant" so much to you, horny douche), shows your "effort" in our "friendship".
And I damn realized that the fact that you can't FREAKING STOP talking about our kiss shows that you only lust for me, and you seriously have no intention of being serious with me.
Despite the fact you said that you try not to lust at me, but said something totally different after that, confirms the fact that you are indeed just treating me like a booty call, in the future. 

I am sorry my friend.

The next time you Whatsapp me, if you're wondering why I give you a cold shoulder,
maybe you should just do some reflection or muhasabah diri as what they call it, on what your actions are as compared to what you've said to me.
Because I'm sure you do not want to hear me speak my mind.
My mind is a dangerous place, full of unfiltered thoughts, especially for a douche like you.


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