My thoughts are like stars, I cannot fathom into words

There's been a lot of moments in this year that makes me wanna go back to this blog and put my thoughts into words. 

But every time when I finally had the time to sit down and put those thoughts into words, it's either I have decided that it won't matter the moment I click the button "publish", or I decided to just sleep it off. 

Hence this blog has not been updated for quite some time. 

A person whom recently became my close friend when this time last year she was only just a stranger, ever mentioned to me, "you have an impressive vocabulary for a small girl like you,".

I told her, when you're a language teacher's daughter, you HAVE too (both my parents are language teachers, well, my mum still is. My dad now is an education officer, but language is still his first love, especially Iban).

My confidante (who also happens to be my aunty, but we're so close that we're on first name basis which is actually wrong if we look in terms of our family tree haha) also ever mention to me, I have a talent for writing , like it's my nature; like I know it like the back of my hands. 

Even though I told her that I haven't been writing, especially on my blog, for quite some time, she told me that I should start again because it's a waste if I just leave it to Instagram to describe my feelings. 

Yes, I am one of those people who write long captions on my Instagram post. Haha. 

However, I'm not sorry for doing that though. 

I just had to express, and by putting my thoughts into words is how I express myself.

Where am I going with this post, you might wonder. 

I don't know, honestly. 

But I feel the need to write down my thoughts somewhere. 

And that somewhere is here. 

I've been asking myself, what stopped me from being who I was before.

The person who enjoys expressing my feelings in the blog.

Was it work? 

Was it the people I am working with? 

Was it my boyfriend?

I keep asking myself those questions and looking at every single people in life and every aspects in my life, work, private, personal.

And then, I realised, in the end of the day, I forgot about me.

Myself.

And I.

I tried to put the blame on everyone in my life, except for me.

I am the one who put so much excuses in putting my thoughts in this blog. 

And yet I blame that I had a bad day at work. 

I blame the toxic people in my office.

I blame my boyfriend who knows nothing about my writing habits. 

All the motivational videos that I listened to, talked about should not blame others but yourself.

In most aspects of my life, I apply it.

But for this, I did not. 

I feel like a failed human being. 

But then again, there's nothing wrong about feeling like a failure.

 Because failure makes you human.

And failure means, you learnt something in your life.

What is wrong, however, is when you did not get back up after your failure.

And still chooses to blame others for what's happening in your life.

That is very wrong. 

I shall end my post here cz my dryer is up.

Will write again here, some time soon, perhaps? 

In the meantime, enjoy life to the fullest. 

And stop and smell the roses once in a while when you feel that life is hard. 

We all deserve good things in life, regardless of what other people say about you.