Dear best friend,

Confession #154
Every day, this page gets more interesting. Well, this is my confession. 

Not too long ago, I was close to this guy. At the time, I just broke up with my boyfriend. And because I was not used to being single, and he was among the people who knew about this break up earlier than rest of my friends, so we got close. We text each other every other day, and sometimes hangout together. Little by little, I begin to forget the pain that my ex boyfriend gave to me. I mean, I never thought I will be happy after our relationship ends because I loved him so much I couldn't see myself with someone else. Anyways, back to this guy. We got close, and he treats me good. Sometimes, I go out with him and his friends, but yet he's still good to me. In short, I can say that he's a gentleman. He knows my best friend as well, and even though he never met her, surprisingly he can talk to her like he known her for ages (my ex boyfriend is not like that. He doesn't make a conversation if he doesn't know that person well, even though he knows that person is my friend, acquaintance etc). And somewhere between our laughs and our silly fight, I fell in love. For a while, I was happy. We were happy. Or at least I thought we were.

Until the new semester arrived.

Somehow, somewhere, we drifted apart. We stop texting each other, and whenever we see each other on campus, it's as if we're strangers again. I did asked him about this, about how we drift apart. But all he said was "I was busy. You don't know what it's like to be me. You and I of different faculty, how would I expect you to understand?"

I thought he was serious when he befriended me, became the person who lend his shoulder for me to cry on. Maybe I was wrong to think of that. I don't know. But people said, if a guy really wants you in his life, he will work hard to be in yours, despite of how BUSY he is with assignments, projects etc. Obviously he is not, but I was blind to see that. And despite of what my close friends and my best friend told me, to move on, I did not. I waited, and waited. But nothing happened. There were only awkward interactions.

After a while, I decided to move on, because I don't see the point of waiting anymore. Plus, from what I heard, he has a girlfriend now. Hearsay, it can be right, or wrong. I don't know. Nevertheless, I choose to move on, despite how hard it is. The first few months was hard, but eventually, I learnt that I can live without him. Although, there are times that I almost (ALMOST) look for him whenever I'm sad, or happy, or angry (because that's what makes us closer then), but I manage to come to my senses that he's beyond my reach now. I had live without him before, and I know I can live without him now. I wish him all the best, and I hope that somehow, he wishes the best for me too.

Maybe it was my fault, for being too afraid to let him know about my feelings so here I am now, living with that consequences. I am a big believer of love. Everyone deserves to love, and to be love. I look all around me, those who enter Unimas with me who are single/taken but relationship failed halfway down the road are now happily taken, it actually makes me happy. And it also makes me wonder, will I have that too?

Perhaps, only God can answer that question.