A little time with God, comes with a hard realization

For the past few weeks, 

I tried to spend at least five minutes of my morning (while getting ready for office) by saying my morning prayer. 

I was lucky, because I was a born and bred a Catholic, unlike so many people out there who were only baptized later in their life to be a Catholic. 

However, I can say that my relationship with God, is somewhat a love-hate relationship. 

I know it sounded, wrong. 

But who am I to deny, and claimed that my relationship with God is a smooth sailing one. 

I am only human.

And because of the love-hate relationship, I can say that there are times that I felt that God purposely test me, especially when it comes to the matter of the heart. 

As I had always said to the best friend, "I believe that God is trolling with me. He is toying with my feelings. I get that He wants to teach me a lesson, but must it be this way? By trolling me, toying my feelings away?"

And that is why,most of the time, I find myself only praying when I am in need (or at least I think I needed something ), OR, when I am in church. 

Other than that, I never took the time.in the day to actually sit down and really have some 'private conversation ' with God. 

*saying what I'm grateful by the end of the day is entirely a different thing though. Don't get me wrong here, now. *

However, lately I found myself to actually enjoy having a few minutes quiet time, alone time to myself.

Without the clearly loud sound from my phone speaker, playing the phone's playlist. 

Every day, I took 5 minutes out of my time to actually pray to God. 

And I somehow find that peace that I have never felt before. 

Something that I cannot explain to you people out there, until you experienced it for yourself. 

Yes, I would lie if I say that I don't have problem(s) in life. 

Tell me someone who doesn't have a problem. I would like to sit down and talk to them, and ask them how do they live life without a problem. 

However, I realized that somehow my problems seems so small, and God is still there for me, even though if I screw up. 

Even if I only pray to him once a week prior to this, he still accepts me as His child, with  no condition. 

A few weeks ago, 

I was put into a situation that increases my curiosity, kept wondering of what went wrong. 

The list goes on and on. 

And yes, it gets tiring sometimes. 

It is as if, God is testing my patience again, with a quite a similar event. 

So the day before, I actually Google-d on a prayer to increase my patience. 

I found the prayer(s), and then some. 

I found this one particular article, and I remembered it saying, "never pray to God asking Him to give you patience. God will give you a situation where you will be forced to be patient. "

I was taken aback at this article, but because I was too sleepy to continue, I just stopped at the article. 

Then, this morning happen. 

I was sitting down, in front of the mirror, as usual, contemplating on whether I should buy my BB cream replacement today or either wise. 

Somehow, I remembered about this particular person, and I felt a bit bitter because of what's happening (more like what's NOT happening) between us. 

And then, suddenly, it hits me. 

Like a thunder. 

This feeling, it feels like deja vu all over again. 

But this situation was with another person, for how many years ago. 

Times may had changed; people come and go in my life. 

But apparently, this situation feels too familiar to be true. 

And then, I remembered this particular photo that I saw on Twitter. 

And it hits me again. 

So I asked myself, "why do I feel like I'm beginning to face in the same situation all over again?" 

And it hits me, the article from the previous night. 

"Never pray to God asking him to give you patience. God will give you a situation where you will be forced to be patient. "

And then I realized, 

I've been asking God the wrong way. 

No wonder the more I asked God to give me extra patience, He gave me a situation which forces me to somehow compromise, to be patient while finding my way out of it/overcoming it. 

I realized that God is making me patient, by throwing me a situation that He knows forces me to learn the hard way. 

And I realized that, my faith is still not as strong because I asked Him to keep me near this person, just because I feel that I am ready. 

Because I thought that, in the law of attraction, it says that, 

"Ask from the Universe what you want, believe that it is already yours, and you will receive it." 

And I will receive it, by constantly reminded God and the Universe of what I want. 

How wrong I was. 

And praying to God to open up the other person's heart, when clearly, the other person is still not ready to, also doesn't determine that their heart will melt like an ice, just like that. 

Somehow, it drives them even more away from you. 

If not, farther. 

Until the moment you try to reconnect with them, or your life paths give you both the chance to cross paths again in life, then you will realized, it will not be the same as before.

Perhaps, sometimes it is not meant to be. 

But also, because of your eagerness to move ahead of God, He makes sure you learned your lesson. 

And if you didn't, he will repeat the same situation, over and over and over again, until you realize that sometimes, it is not them. 

Sometimes, 

IT IS YOU.