The Misadventures of October

Perhaps I watched this story so much over the four months of holidays that misadventures starts to happen to me. Especially this month. First, baby Kelisa had a problem. It happened last week. 

Then today I got stalked by two maniac perverts in a green Kelisa when Hany and I were on our way to The Spring. We were stalked from Jalan Song till the road leading to Wisma Wan. It was a really terrifying moment 'cause I was never been stalked before. For those of you who had never been car stalked when you were driving before, the best way you know you are being stalked is this:

When your car is been followed a few meters away and every turn you took, they took it too. A tip in order to lose them; try to go to any main road, where there are heavy traffic. If that also fails, try to go to somewhere safe like your friend's house (which are nearby) or drive to the nearest police station. I doubt they would do anything funny there. 

And also, I have also went through two near deaths experience. I wish not to elaborate more as I am still quite shaken about it. I am just glad I am still here, breathing and being able to update my blog about this. But it has not (yet) shake my fear on driving. I still enjoy driving. I just think that Malaysians need more civilized drivers. Eitherwise, driving will be a very good experience to everyone. Just saying.

That picture above is a part of the lyrics to the song Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. Hany tweeted about the song to me earlier on and I decided to listen to it (am currently listening to it right now btw). 

Only she and I know what is the meaning behind all these. And I do appreciate that if those of you who know us not to judge us just because of these kind of emo tweets. You may know our names, but I bet you know nothing about us or how/what we feel. So don't judge us when we don't want to be judged and because we don't judge unless we are forced to.

Anyways, the reason why I insert a part of the lyrics of Almost Lover is because that I can relate to the song. I may have mentioned that I kinda like this guy (I say LIKE, not love. Or maybe I did say LOVE, but I am actually still confused with all these feelings. All these are still new, especially that I still consider myself recovering from a bad break up that happened in January this year) and things was great over the holidays. We went out more than a couple of times over that period. And he actually asked me how was my first day coming back to Unimas after the long break. I don't even remember whether did my ex-boyfriend asked me how was I doing on my first day of lecture. His gestures seems to me that he actually cares towards me. But all that had stopped a few weeks ago for no apparent reason. No more random texts, no more fighting, no nothing. It just gone, just like that. We are just like strangers now, and nothing more. 

From a whole sentence (and funny bickerings)

to

THIS.

To one/two word basis. Sad isn't it?

Hey you, I have a question for you.

Don't you hate that this happens to us? Maybe you don't feel anything, but I do, unfortunately.

So what will become of us now that we are acting like strangers to each other?

I will think twice before wasting my time again. 

I feel (deep down in my heart) like you have always been, my almost lover.  Maybe I should stop putting on high hopes (not that I have very high hopes when it comes to you anyways) on you. Therefore, I would like to say

This is not an easy thing to do for me. I have a problem with letting go, you know? But perhaps, our timing is never right. Or maybe God has other plans for us, for which, I shall concur. Though at times I do wish I wouldn't drag myself in to deep so I wouldn't feel this hurt. 

But whatever it is, I am done hoping when it comes to you. I shall just live in the moment, carpe diem. And who knows, I will be as happy. And I know, you are happy too. You are the happiest person I've ever met, it is hard to see you sad. Or maybe I don't get to see that part of yours yet. You know how to enjoy your life and living in the moment; and I am glad to tell you that I learn to live in the moment because of you. You had left a very deep impact in my life as the other person and I'm glad to be the person I am now. I wish you nothing but the best for this semester.

*********************************************************************************

Sorry for the emo-ness in this post, but I just couldn't help it. These words, every single one of them, are the words that I wished I could tell you but I couldn't. I am just afraid to change things between us. I don't want to risk our friendship, as I value friendship very much, and you know that. But if so happens that you read this post, and if you want to stop being friends with me, I accept, I have to, because it's pointless of hoping on something that just wouldn't happen. But if you still do want to be friends with me, I appreciate it so much. Like you said, we are young adults. We are entitled to feel the things that most young adults feel. I can't promise you though that this feeling will go away with time. I can't force you to love me (not in terms of more than friends, don't get me wrong here), but I can't force myself to not love you. You told me yourself, that the more you force to push your feelings away, the more your feelings will stay.  So if things go better after this, I just hope you will understand that part. Time will tell everything, and God is good. So, no worries. :)

Love,

Marcy.

Xoxo.

P.S.

I just hope towards the end of this month, my luck will turn out better. Like Wilson Mizner said,