Someone like you

*Warning: This post may contain cheezy-ness 101. If you are not ready for cheezy-ness, please leave right away.*

Dear Ex,

     This letter is written to you, from the bottom of my heart. No lies, no exaggeration. As you know, it has been 8 months since we are no longer an item. I never thought I would get through this, ever, because I used to tell myself back then, if you ever leave me, I will die. Guess what? I'm alive, and well dear. Happier too, with my new found freedom. There are times that I miss the things we did, the songs we listened, the places we went to, the food we ate. Sometimes I thought that I miss you; but I am wrong. I actually miss the things we did, the feelings I had when I was with you. As time passes, the wounds that you left hurt me less. No, I don't believe in "time heals every wound" anymore. You just learn how to deal with the pain as time passes by. And oh, I choose not to dwell in the past anymore. I choose to be happy, because I deserve it. And that's how I am now. Happier. Thanks to all the supports that were given to me by my friends and also family, especially my grandparents. For they know how much I love and adore you. I know more things because of you. You made me who I am today. And I'm thankful for that. Not once I regret of meeting you, of our relationship, what we did, where we went, our sacrifices. Not once. Because hadn't I met you, I know I will be a much different person today. You made me learn things that I never thought I would in a million years. And not forgetting, your cousin Ivy. She had shed some light on the darkest place that had lingered around me during the two months of me mourning for the love that was lost.  

     I still remember most of the things you said. Sometimes they keep me up all night. There are times they made me teary eyed, but I stopped crying for you because I know there is no used crying over spill milk. You may think that this is me sounding bitter, you are wrong. I learnt that, the people who said to you they will never leave you, are the ones that usually left. Isn't that an irony? You did just that, and left me hurt. Deeply hurt. And that's experience. Not only mine, I dare say. There are times I wonder, are you happy with what you did? Are you proud with your achievement, hurting the person whom trusted you her whole life, her heart, her soul? However in the end of the day, those questions remained unanswered. But it's okay. Maybe some questions are supposed to be left unanswered. Your cousin once said to me, "if I were you, I would be angry and asked him why did he do this to me,". But do you want to know the funniest thing? I was angry for you, but it didn't last long. I did try to hate you, but it didn't even last a day! I try to hate your girlfriend, but I can't either. I don't and can't understand why. I wish I could, but I can't. Good for you huh? Maybe it was because I learnt from you that I shouldn't hate the people who hurt me. It's okay, cause it made me a better person. 

     And how's life been treating me, if you may wonder? Life has been treating me well, considering the fact that I was hurt badly by you. There are good times, there are also bad times. But who am I to complain, cause that's life. C'est la vie, the French people said. Most people said, when something bad happens, you will know who are your good friends that will stay by you. Safe to say, I know who they are, and just a simple thank you is definitely not enough to pay for the time and energy that they had use to make me a happier person that I am now. And among those people, the most I appreciate are two. Hany and another person whom I shall not name here. They helped me out a lot, answered my ridiculous questions, lend a shoulder for me to cry on. And I love them. So much. I hope you are doing good too. Wait, you are doing good. That's for sure. You're happier way ahead than me. Appreciate her, as you had appreciate me. Love her, as you had love me. Make sacrifices for her, just like you had sacrificed for me. And the most important thing, love her, just like you had loved me. Or love her even better. Cause nothing makes me happier than to see you happy. 

     And as for me, I am happy now with my own life. Never thought that single-hood is this good! But like I had said earlier, I do miss having someone to cuddle with, to kiss, to talked to in the middle of the night, getting good morning texts in the morning when I wake up and good night texts when I'm about to go to sleep. I do miss all that. However, I had a feeling that it's not gonna happen anytime soon. I promise myself too, that I give myself time until I am sure with the relationship. I do have feelings for someone, but I don't know whether that person does have feelings for me though. But, here's the thing: he made me happy. Way happier than when I was with you. In the same way, but maybe different approach? I don't know. He doesn't even have to make an effort to make he smile. He just do. He cares for me, a lot, that I can really tell. And Hany agrees with me ya know? ;) We have this chemistry that, *I shall quote Hany here* "has a kinder nature, subtle and not necessarily lustful". I couldn't help but to agree. Nevertheless, I'm gonna give our friendship, flirtionship, bleh, whatever it is that we have some time before I can make my decisions. As I had learnt that when you fall in love, you will lose your best friend. And that is the last thing I want right now. And if you want me to be happy too, just like you, will you please tell God about this wish of mine? I don't mind waiting because I know, the longer I wait for something, I will appreciate it the moment I have it. 

     And as for what you did, don't you worry. I had forgiven you. A long time ago. Most people think I'm nuts for being able to forgive you, but why should I not forgive you. The Lord says; forgive those who sinned against you, and that is exactly what I am doing. Plus, I do not want to held grudge because that is not good for my life. And by forgiving you, I can live my life a little more peaceful. The feeling of forgiveness surpasses the sadness that you had given to me, and I can live with that. I hope you had forgiven me too, for what my wrong doings towards you when we were together. I'm sorry if I had caused you misery during the two years and 6 months that we were together. I may still love you, with the pieces that is left. But don't you fret, I won't disturb your relationship with her. Never in a million years would I do that. And last but not least, I wish nothing but the best for you. 

Just to end this letter, here's a very special quote by Oprah that had opened my eyes about forgiveness:

Love,

Marcella Helaena Julan.