Beyond Imperfection

As a little girl, I was always the one being scolded by my parent (I shall not name who did that because now, we need each other more than ever). I am not the perfect little girl, I was a brat as back then (according to that parent of mine), they learn to do things on their own. Unlike us who needed to be told to do things. Let's face it, I was born in a different era, hence different parenting style should be used. But maybe then, nobody realized that. So the parenting style that I was living in is sort of the year 1970's or even earlier. I was even "disumpah" that I will not being able to cook when I grow up. Out of fear, I believed that. And true enough, now, I don't cook well; does not pass the standard of a girl. The only things that I can cook are fried egg, fried rice, boiled water and of course, instant noodle. 

But despite of that, among all my siblings, I was the smartest one. I get top 10 every time back in primary school. I was (and still is) very outspoken; my talent was exposed by my BM teacher, Madam Agnes Ong which then groomed me to be a storyteller that I was able to become one of the best storyteller in my primary school. And it was not only in BM, but in English also. My singing talent was discovered when I was in Primary 3 by Mr Willson Binet, whom then asked me to perform during the Teacher's day celebration when I was in Primary 3; and again when I was in Primary 4 and 5. I was also the school's debater, but coming from a very small school with lack of training, I was only a champion at my school, SK Catholic English. It doesn't matter, for it has made me who I am today.

Nevertheless, when I entered secondary school, everything changes. From a young, outspoken child, I turn into an awkwardly teenager (but still perform quite well) in school. Though, my talent was wasted away due to fear. Yes, I am actually a girl with a lot of fear. First and foremost, fear of my parents. Secondly, fear of being ridiculed as I realized that those girls that came from St Teresa Primary School are actually much bolder and courageous than I am; hence proving the fact that I've said earlier. But mostly it was because of the fear that I have for my parents. I remember when I was in Form 1, I told my parents about wanting to join my sport house' try out. However, they decline my request as they said, I have no one to send me to school early in the morning (in Form 1 and 2, we were afternoon sessions and I was using school bus to and fro). Hence, from there onwards I was a bit reluctant when it comes to sports. Actually, I did joined a few clubs in school namely Softball club (in Form 2), Webteam Club (Form 1). And also the school's choir, in Form 2 as well.  But as I was afraid that I might turn into the bad influence that I've seen all around me, I started pulling out from school's extra curricular activities when I was in Form 3. And guess where did that fear came from? My parent of course. 

Only after in 2007 where they started to implement the meritocracy policy my parent realized that I should be active in extra curricular activities, but it was kinda too late for me. I was accepted to undergo the National Service training at Betong (they say it was because I wasn't active in extra curricular activities. I wish to believe it back then but some of my fellow trainees are very active in school. Why were they selected then?), and then I continued my studies in Form 6 because I got rejected in every UPU application that I applied. However, I must say, that I did not regret that I went there because it had opened my eyes little by little about life.