How long can we keep this up?

*background music: Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz*

This post is specially dedicated to my best friend, Hany Kipalli.

Remember the time when I asked you to listen to Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz for the first time to understand my feelings towards him (whom shall I call, Mr Vadega. That is not his real name. Identity is sealed to avoid any misunderstandings) and you'll understand how I felt? At that time, my intention was to tell you that, I do love him, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to tell him how I feel. Hence, the DISTANCE. 

But you said, this song has a really sad meaning (although I can't seem to recall now what you said about it though) and that you're sad because I felt that way, and that I shouldn't feel that way, especially when it comes to loving someone. 

Today, as of 17/12/2012, I found out that the song is indeed about loving someone at the wrong time in your life, where you can't express your true feeling towards the person. Christina Perri said, "it's very hard to keep a love secret", which I really agree, because as days progresses by, it's getting obvious that I was in love (or perhaps, infatuated) with Mr Vadega. That towards the end, hurts me. And I had promised myself that I will continue to love him, as long as I don't hurt myself. But I broke my own promise. You know that, you are the witness. It was a very emotional roller coaster, that makes my break up one year ago seems easier to forget. And so, I can conclude that, our timing is never right to begin with. Primary school days, secondary school days, university days. Our timing is never right. Unfortunately. 

So, I guess I had live the first irony of love, "loving the right person at the wrong time" for this year. Last year was "loving the wrong person at the right time". I just hope, I don't have to live through the third irony of love. Love is not for me, well, at least for now. I assume that God wants the best of me in something else first, and only then, love will come to me. 

Yes, I am a big believer of "everyone has their own soulmate". You may puke upon reading this, but it will not change my opinion on this. Never. I'd like to believe that I'm just unlucky in love, for now that is. For the time being, I'll just concentrate on making the people around me happy, and maybe then, I will be happy.