TRIVIA:
This song was originally done by Lisa Lisa (feat Cult Jam) in 1985. A good 27 years ago. Then, 12 years later, a girl group singer who called themselves Allure did a cover on this song and it was their group's biggest hit. Whereas for this cover, done by Tysha Tiar (click at her name for her Youtube page). Somehow, I personally love this one best. Wish I could download her version. For real.
Anyways, enough of the trivia. Today is Valentines day to most people, but to me it's only an ordinary Tuesday. Same ol, same ol. I'm not being bitter or anything, but then again, I never celebrated Valentines day even when I was in a relationship. What difference does it make anyway? Why do you need one special day to treat your other half very special but for the rest of 365 (or this year 366) days you treat them like shit?
The last time I listened to this song (cover by Tysha Tiar that is) was yesterday morning, before I head to Unimas for registration. And I didn't really listen to the lyrics properly so I just sang along to it, without any meaning. Only today I managed to read at the lyrics and sing along to it. Then only I realized, that this song is related (sorta) to what I had been feeling for the past few months towards him. I have been battling this feeling for quite some time, and I never shed one tear. However, upon last month (and maybe today), I cried. I don't know why I cried. I can't explain the feelings that eventually leads me to crying. But what I do know is that I miss the times when we used to text each other. Though it was not everyday, it was frequent. Now, we are back to what we were before this, strangers. Maybe to you I am still your friend, but to me, you are a silent friend. A friend who calls another person friend, but never bother to make an effort to contact. Friends contact each other, even if you don't stay in the same town. Rachel who stays at Betong made effort to text me (or reply, which you never did) even when we are on semester break. Biasa lah ya. Orang dah berisi tek nak? Kita tok sapa ajaklah.
And I do miss the time we went out together, even if it was only can be counted on one hand.
I know I should stop crying for guys who will never cry (at least, not anymore) for me. I deserve better. I deserve the best.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” - Marilyn Monroe
But what if the best is actually in front of my eyes all along, and I failed to notice it? Should I settle for the second best? Settle for the person whom love me more than I could love him, and wept silently at night for the rest of my life, knowing that you do better than I do? I am afraid if that happens, because I don't want to hurt the other person just like how the rest hurts me.
“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” - William Shakespeare
I don't know how long I can keep all these feelings to myself. I do know that at some point, eventually, I might have to want to spill my guts to you, just like what I always did before. You yourself said, you are a good observant of people; and I have to agree with you. You can see the sadness in me when everyone else (besides Hany though) believe my smile and my laughs and think that I am okay. You know that I can't lie to a person for too long; you know exactly the reason why. Hany always said to me, I am lucky to have you as a friend. And we might be great couples if we are destined to be (which I am beginning to doubt these days); but even if we didn't end up as couples it's alright, because we have that chemistry that she had never seen before when I was with A. But I want you to know this, my love for you is sincere. It is pure, because it was never been influenced by your superficial looks. All you have to do to make me love you was that you care for me; that was all it took. Despite of who we are today for each other, there is one thing that will never change: our memories. No one can took it away from me, not even my future husband (whom I perceived as lost somewhere upon getting to me; to which you suggested for him to get a GPS. Wish I could do that). They are the best things of my life that I cherished. They are the best times of the year 2011; the best time for my 21 year old soul. And I am thankful for that.
“Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe that ours didn't go on forever.”- Dear John (Nicholas Sparks)
Day by day, I am hurt less and less by this feelings. There may be a scar created by you in my heart, but the scar means I survived. Maybe this is for the best, for both of us. Maybe God is indeed saving someone special for me; and I do believe good things do come to those who wait. Whoever she is, she is definitely lucky to have you in her life, for I know I was; although it was only for a short period. Though there are times I woke up in the middle of the night missing you and there are times upon listening to songs brings out the unwanted feelings, but it doesn't mean I want you back in my life. I just miss you, and there is no harm in missing someone you love. You are doing great in your own life now, and so do I. I love you so much that I do not want to destroy whatever happiness that you have now just so I can have mine.
“I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” - Dear John (Nicholas Sparks)I think I have said enough.
Love,
Marcy.
Xoxo
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