Sometimes, things go wrong just so we can be stronger when we encounter the same ordeal in the future (although I don't know how many times I will have to crush around until I end up with someone). 

Sometimes, people come and go so we learn how to let go when we are supposed to let them go (I'm still in the process of learning this, trust me. It's not easy, but I'm learning).

Sometimes, distance is created so that we know who remembers us, despite how busy we are in our life.

Sometimes, when you pray to God, but your prayer goes unanswered, it does not mean that God won't give you what you want. It means that He has something better in mind, for He knows you deserve better, and not what you think you deserve. 

2012 pass me by so fast, there are times (especially towards the last four months of the year) that I couldn't catch my breath. People come and go, and it does break my fragile heart, but I keep on reminding myself that these people, who come and go in my life are serve to give me a lesson, in one way or another. While those who stayed, they are my blessings from God. I believe that, very much. I know for sure that I am weird, and I'm glad that these people are willing to be seen with me doing weird things, sometimes even JOIN me doing weird things. Sometimes they laugh at me, sometimes I laugh at them, but in the end of the day, we laugh at each other's weirdness. And that is why, they are my blessings. Everyday I thank God for these people, but sometimes it seems as if it is not enough and there are times that I wish I could do more, than just giving thanks. But perhaps to God, it is indeed enough. Perhaps this is me, overthinking again. 

As I had said before, quotes are my strongest motivator, besides God and my friends as well as family. And I can tell you, these quotes are the quotes that practically sums up my year in 2012:

With a humble heart, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year 2013. Leave whatever heartaches, happiness, sadness that you had in 2012. If it is a good one, cherish it till your last breath. If it is a bad one, don't let it get into your head and just move on. Close the book of 2012, and start with a clean slate for 2013. Give everyone a chance to change, because you know other people would want you to change for the better. I know I would.

And with that said, I shall bid au revoir to 2012. I don't know where I'll be celebrating my new year's eve, but I'm sure, I will be surrounded by my family. And they are already enough for me. So cheers to 2012 and 2013. May it be a prosperous year for all of us.


With love,

Marcella Helaena Julan. 

*background music: Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz*

This post is specially dedicated to my best friend, Hany Kipalli.

Remember the time when I asked you to listen to Distance by Christina Perri and Jason Mraz for the first time to understand my feelings towards him (whom shall I call, Mr Vadega. That is not his real name. Identity is sealed to avoid any misunderstandings) and you'll understand how I felt? At that time, my intention was to tell you that, I do love him, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to tell him how I feel. Hence, the DISTANCE. 

But you said, this song has a really sad meaning (although I can't seem to recall now what you said about it though) and that you're sad because I felt that way, and that I shouldn't feel that way, especially when it comes to loving someone. 

Today, as of 17/12/2012, I found out that the song is indeed about loving someone at the wrong time in your life, where you can't express your true feeling towards the person. Christina Perri said, "it's very hard to keep a love secret", which I really agree, because as days progresses by, it's getting obvious that I was in love (or perhaps, infatuated) with Mr Vadega. That towards the end, hurts me. And I had promised myself that I will continue to love him, as long as I don't hurt myself. But I broke my own promise. You know that, you are the witness. It was a very emotional roller coaster, that makes my break up one year ago seems easier to forget. And so, I can conclude that, our timing is never right to begin with. Primary school days, secondary school days, university days. Our timing is never right. Unfortunately. 

So, I guess I had live the first irony of love, "loving the right person at the wrong time" for this year. Last year was "loving the wrong person at the right time". I just hope, I don't have to live through the third irony of love. Love is not for me, well, at least for now. I assume that God wants the best of me in something else first, and only then, love will come to me. 

Yes, I am a big believer of "everyone has their own soulmate". You may puke upon reading this, but it will not change my opinion on this. Never. I'd like to believe that I'm just unlucky in love, for now that is. For the time being, I'll just concentrate on making the people around me happy, and maybe then, I will be happy.