C'est La Vie

nowplaying: Try - Colbie Caillat

I don't normally cry in front of my friends (happy tears are a different thing though).

As far as I remembered, I only cried to a number of people that I can count with my own hands.

The only person who consistently had seen/heard me cry is the best friend.

The kumangs had seen me cried once (the one where I sobbed so bad that all I need is a hug to cool it down), and me shedding a few tears once.

Told them before that I don't normally let people see me cry because I don't want them to feel sorry for me.

I don't know why I let my guard down that night.

I don't know why my brain didn't tell the tears receptors in my eyes to not shed a tear in front of someone who I barely knew.

I don't know why I told you about the sad story of how my relationship ended, and how it (somehow) become a turning point for me to building a great wall of China around my heart.

I can ask myself with so many "I don't know whys...." and yet a fact remains.

I let my guard down, and you exploited it.

You exploited my vulnerableness that night, managed to win my heart, and subtly making your moves.

Real smooth, cowboy. Real smooth.

I doubt you even remembered why I cried so hard that night.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked me the next day when I clearly moved on from the reason(s) why I cried.

I guess, one cannot control when they let their guard down.

Because sometimes, it just happens.

But the fact that a person exploited a vulnerable person, is just beyond my understanding.

I hope that the next time someone opened up to you, you do not exploit her, like you did to me.

Because I'm sure you wouldn't like it, if someone exploited your vulnerability.

*~~usually, this is when a normal person would include a karma quoted shit, but I've decided not to because he is just not worth it at all.~~*

I am so done..... with your bullshit sweet talk about wanting "to kiss me again".

I am so done.

Go find someone you can kiss and then eventually fuck, because that is what you really want, no?

That someone is just not me though.

nowplaying: Near To You - A Fine Frenzy

After a lengthy heart-to-heart talk with a male friend, I conclude that I am going to delete whatever that is in my heart (or my brain, for that matter) on anything that is related to you.

Sure, we have been contacting each other on again, off again since 3 years ago.

But somehow, after what you did the last time (lead me on, make me feel special, and eventually develop feelings towards you which leads to you telling me that you're actually in a relationship), I never felt so stupid like how I felt two nights ago.

I kept telling myself that I don't want to make the same mistakes that I did six, seven, eight years ago, today, this year, or next year, for that matter.

And look where I am now?

Almost, ALMOST, making that same mistake.

Why do I say almost?

It is because unlike six, seven, eight years ago, I have no male companion to talk about, to tell me that the guy has no intention of turning whatever you have into a real relationship.

I am also not the same person I was six, seven, eight years ago.

Heck, I am not the same person I was a year ago.

I've grown, I've matured in my thinking.

I may be an intuitive person (my intuition are 90% correct most of the time), but now I take my brain with me whenever I think,

and not let the fact that just because we kissed, we had something special.

I know better now.

I know well enough that your excuses of "being busy with work", is just an excuse.

*~~thank you dear best friend for that He's Just Not That Into You book~~*

I know well enough that the fact that you only contact me via Whatsapp instead of making an effort to at least call me once in a while to ask about my day (wtf, you never asked about my day. Only I do. All you do is talk about how that kiss "meant" so much to you, horny douche), shows your "effort" in our "friendship".

And I damn realized that the fact that you can't FREAKING STOP talking about our kiss shows that you only lust for me, and you seriously have no intention of being serious with me.

Despite the fact you said that you try not to lust at me, but said something totally different after that, confirms the fact that you are indeed just treating me like a booty call, in the future.

I am sorry my friend.

The next time you Whatsapp me, if you're wondering why I give you a cold shoulder,

maybe you should just do some reflection or muhasabah diri as what they call it, on what your actions are as compared to what you've said to me.

Because I'm sure you do not want to hear me speak my mind.

My mind is a dangerous place, full of unfiltered thoughts, especially for a douche like you.

nowplaying: Let Me In - Grouplove

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but ourselves."

Photo courtesy of Google Image

This quote, which eventually inspired the title of the book by John Green, The Fault In Our Stars,

which then became a motion picture directed by Josh Boone, was what happened in the weekend.

So on Saturday, the best friend and I (along with her sister and the BFF lol) decided to watch the movie at MBO, The Spring.

If you have read my previous about me being a bookworm, I'm sure you would know the reason why I was so excited to watch this movie.

Prior to weekend premier of this movie, I actually went to GSC website and Cinema Online

EVERY SINGLE DAY,

just to check on when the official date of it coming out.

*note: I am usually not like that when it comes to watching movie at the cinemas. I usually watch movies at the cinema on friends invitation.*

If only I was that dedicated to my studies, I would be a first class honours student this coming graduation

instead of what I have gotten fml.

The moment I realized that there is a showtime for this movie, I quickly told the best friend about the good news, and we agreed to watch it on Saturday, at noon, even though it is the fasting month.

We both arrived at the cinema just in time to buy us tickets.

Luckily they were four of us, because it was showed at the couple seat hall, hall 4 (those of you who are movie goers would know this I'm sure).

Imagine how awkward it would be if we came in three, instead of two, or four haha.

The movie ticket, as a prove I watched it. This is mine and the best friend. We make the best "couple" ever, lol.

The moment we entered the hall, I was quite surprised that the hall was not full.

Perhaps not many realized that the movie is out, or they watched it at a different showtime Idk.

And then the movie was on, and everyone was very absorbed.

There are some funny parts (it's a plus if you've read the book, otherwise, you might be blurred about some of the reference in the movie), but towards the end when Augustus Waters finally revealed to Hazel Grace about his cancer had spread to his whole body, I can hear sobs everywhere in the hall.

Like, literally.

First, there's one person sobbing, then somebody else continued the first person's sobs,

then another person continue and the circle goes like that until the part where.......

okay, I shall stop there for then it means I will give away spoilers!

I give this movie a five stars, because it is as good as the book itself.

The director really followed most of the scenes, I'd say, around 95% of the book.

There are some minor changes though, but that's okay.

Because I am, in fact, having withdrawal syndrome after watching the movie.

I can't stop thinking about the sadness that Hazel Grace had felt when she knew the love of her life is sick, again.

I wondered if there are any guys who are like Augustus Waters, or even close to having qualities like him; because, in the words of my best friend, "I would love to have me one Augustus Waters, a cancer free one though." Lol.

And how meaningful is the friendship between Augustus and Isaac, that Isaac is willing to stay blind because the world would be meaningless without Augustus.

I KNOW RIGHT???!

The book/movie has many awesome quotes that I don't have any words to express how I feel reading it.

There are also some unforgettable scenes.

Like this one, where Augustus waited for Hazel Grace to come back from her doctor's appointment,

to bring her for a picnic. Oranjee style lol.

Do you not see how hot Augustus is omg?

And then there's the part where Isaac, Augustus and Hazel Grace went to Monica's house to throw eggs at her car. Btw, in case you're wondering who Monica is,

she is Isaac's ex girlfriend, who dumped Isaac right before he had a surgery to remove his eyes to prevent the cancer from spreading further. Mean, huh?

Oh, and then there's this!

The part where Hazel Grace and Augustus first talked to each other,

outside of the literal heart of Jesus lol.

Ughhhh... that sheepish look. How can one not melt seeing that face???

This is how it goes:

Augustus: So, what's your name?

Hazel Grace: Hazel Grace.

Augustus: No, I mean, your full name?

Hazel Grace: Hazel Grace Lancaster.

And he decided to call her Hazel Grace, ever since ~~until the final days which leads to his death~~ (oooppss.... spoiler alert).

I don't know how Hazel Grace feels, but if I were Hazel Grace,

I am so happy because he (Augustus Waters) made my name very special;

like it sounded very right, and safe.

Because I know the feeling of having someone saying my name, that it sound so safe.

And that it sound, so safe, and so right, in his voice, in his mouth.

~~*And until today, I cannot find anyone who can say my name as right, or as safe as he did.*~~

And my favourite scene, among all,

Is the look, before the kiss.

If you actually (or have the chance to) read the book, you will notice how intense the feeling that Hazel Grace have in wanting to kiss Augustus Waters.

And when they kiss, it is like the climax of this movie because,

well, THEY FINALLY KISS!!

Can't believe that Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort can really bring the characters of Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters into live, so real, feelings and all.

So,

if I were to sum up how I felt after watching the movie, this would be an appropriate summary of it.

If any of you readers who enjoys watching romance movies, or is familiar with A Walk To Remember, you would want to watch the movie.

I dare say it is a tear jerker movie.

And if you didn't cry when watching this, I suggest you get yourself checked.

Might be your emotions is all mixed up or something.

Haha kidding.

No seriously.

Please watch it and then you'll understand what I'm yapping about. :)

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