Living Half Alive

Before this, I would prefer not to wake up.

Why,you might ask?

It is because I still wanna be with you, and I know when I wake up, 

I realized that you are no longer mine.

Do you even know how much pain and suffering I have to deal with?

Do you even care about the nights when I cry myself to sleep?

And do you know what's the biggest mistake I've ever made when I was with you?

Day goes by,

And I learnt that I will eventually have to live with the pain.

I don't believe in "time heals everything" phrase anymore.

It's just a delicate way people put, in order to heal a broken heart,

they actually have to learn how to live with the pain.

And as day goes by, I met new people.

Crushing around, 

Actually got the guts to talk to guys without ever feeling guilty anymore.

And for the first time, I realized that

being single isn't all so bad.

I stopped crying myself to sleep at night

I learn to live my life to the fullest

I finally know who my real friends are

The ones who really care for me, 

even when I thought that nobody actually cares for me after realizing that you stopped caring for me.

I learnt to appreciate the little things in life,

little things in life that can't be seen by the naked eyes.

And during the whole process, I think I had fallen in love, again.

Scratch that, maybe not falling in love, just feeling more alive than I was before

to one of the person that actually cares about me

He make me smile every single day with his hilarious texts

He's there when I need someone to talk to.

And the fact that he never promises things just makes me attracted to him even more,

cause whenever he did promise but couldn't fulfill it, he will always, ALWAYS try

to make it up to me.

From there I realize, that my heart is actually given back to me

Though it may not be as whole as I was with you, it is worth it

cause I am living.

I am SMILING.

I CRY less now.

I LAUGH more.

And it is all thanks to him especially

and to my dear Hany darling as they had been there whenever I need them the most.

But why must when everything is getting better, there will always be a moment that will try 

to make me fall?

You appear back in my subconscious mind, 

to the effect that I actually dreamt of you.

And everytime that happened, 

I woke up in the middle of night, shaken

and realize, I am all alone.

In the darkness.

I know I am not yours anymore

I can accept that fact.

But the heart knows when I am lying. 

And I think I had been lying to myself the whole time. 

Or maybe I am not.

I don't know. 

All I know is that, I just need to wait for the right things to fall at 

the right place,

and when it does,

all of these will be just a dream.

And that is why now, whenever I wake up, I thank God that I am able to wake up in the morning,

and before I go to sleep, 

I thank God for the people that I met during the day

as each and everyone of them leaves an impact in my

consciously or subconsciously. 

Because to me, you are just one chapter in my life

I just don't understand why you keep making your way to my present.

You are the reason I am afraid to dream in my sleep now.

I don't regret for all those times we spent together,

nor the sacrifices I made for you

I don't regret myself for letting you into my life,

For you are the one who shaped me to who I am now.

And the most important thing that I want you to know,

I never, EVER regret loving you

Loving you is the best thing that had ever happen to me.

You taught me the new meaning of love, life and the most important thing:

From you I learn to appreciate my family more,

despite the fact my family is not as perfect as other families out there

I learn to love them in my own way.

But if I know then what I know now, I will never give my whole heart away

because mending a broken heart is not easy.

And I hope that someday, that I will understand why all these happens.

And when that day comes, I just want you to tell you that,