It's Okay Not To Be Okay
nowplaying: Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz
Last night, Rachel texted me and as usual, from one thing leads to another and somehow, we ended up discussing about somebody else's problem as if the burden of the world is on our shoulders. Yeah I know, we are over-thinkers like that. That's why she's my soul sister. Haha.
And I realized that our discussions can actually be blogged, from my perspective. And because Rachel insist on me writing because she misses my proper, deep thought post. Haha.
I'm sure everyone has a friend who always give great advice. Regardless, in life, studies, or even relationships. And do you ever realize, especially in relationship advice, it's the person who is single who always gives those great, killer, ah-ha moment advice? Heck, when I was downward spiraling after my relationship failed, Hany, my best friend, who never dated anyone back then, was the person who gave lots and lots of advice. The person who is ready to tell me the truth even if it hurts. Well, that is the example that I have in my life. I'm sure by now, after reading this paragraph you already have someone in mind, no? Keep it to yourself and continue reading the next paragraph.
But do you realize, too, that this particular person, despite of the great advice that they give to you, and somehow manage to get you back on your feet, is the person who never takes their own advice? I'm sure by now you'll be thinking, "eh yakah? But s/he seems happy. Or maybe s/he has problem(s) too, but not willing to open up to me." No?
Life's irony.
Because these are the people who have been hurt, bruised, drop down very low to the point that it is impossible to get up, but somehow the managed to find their way to stand up on their two feet again. Be it by themselves through self discovering journey, or maybe they got help from some good Samaritan that somehow change their life 360 degrees. That is how they can come up with great advice to us who are in trouble.
But now you may wonder, why don't they take their own advice when something happens to them? Or, seek help from other people for that matter? Perhaps, deep in their heart and mind thought that by asking help from other people is a sign of weakness. And that is not someone that they wish to portray, for they have been so strong and are able to give advice to other people. Are you one of those people, or do you know anyone who is like that?
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you are hurt, or you are having problems for that matter. And for someone who is always got into troubles my whole life, I know with the help of others, especially from the people you trust, you can get back up on your feet in no time. Just because you gave great advice to your friends, doesn't mean you are capable enough in handling your own problems. For all you know, they might give you a greater advice than the one you gave to them when they were down in the dumps.
Another key to this problem is by finding the right person to consult to. This might be hard if you think you have trust issues. But I'm sure there is someone, among your circle of friends, or maybe your family for that matter, that you can go to when you are having problem. And it may not be only one person, because let's face it, nobody is perfect. For example, if your friend A is very good in giving relationship advice, then go to him/her when you are having that problem. Or if you are having problem with your family, and your friend B can relate to you, then by all means, go and pour out your heart and soul to B. It's the same concept in real life where when you are sick, you go to the doctors. Or when your car is having problem, you go to a mechanic. Takkanlah when your car broke down you go and call a plumber? Get my logic here? I always consider myself lucky because despite of the small circle friends that I have (I know a lot of people, but not many people know me. Sedih kan? Haha), I know who I can go to whenever I am having a problem or when I just need someone to listen to me. I always call them my blessings, because it is true, they are my blessings despite of the imperfections of my life.
And if you happen to be the person who your friend suddenly turns to when they are having problems (I've had my share on this just this month, and I am still shock until now haha), the key is to not judge them when they are pouring their heart and soul to you. Who are you to judge them, when they gambled their trust just to share with you or ask your opinion about their problem. Empathized. Try and imagine if you are in their shoes, that you have nobody to turn to but only this one person. Just because someone sin differently, doesn't mean you get to judge them, without realizing you, too, sin as well.
Time and time again, I always run to Hany whenever I feel that the black hole (only she knows what I mean here. I am just gonna leave it to that) is sucking me to it. And time and time again, without fail, she always says the right things at the right time, at the right moment. I have always wondered how she does it without fail, until I realized that she never judges me for the choices that I make, be it the right ones or the wrong ones. You can give as many advice as you want, but in the end of the day, it is their decision whether they want to take your advice or leave it. As a friend, what you can do is, listen to their problems, never, EVER, judge, and hope that somehow that whatever you say may knock into their brain somehow. And if you are a spiritual person, you can also pray for them so that they may get the wisdom that they need in making decision.
If you think you want to be a blessing to someone's life, start small, by helping the ones who are down and in need of help. Listen to those who actually needs help, even when they think they don't. You will never know how big the outcome that might be by helping someone.
