Day 118 of 366
CONVERSATION
Day 102 of 366: My life so far
*photos are not in particular order*
**photos are courtesy of Victoria Juti and Randy Mathew**
What had happen to this blog owner, most of you might wonder. *I said MOST, okay?* Well, I can say this. Life has happen to her. Not to say before this she doesn't have a life. She does. Now with the new semester reopens and friends are all here, well, you can say that they are up to lots of adventures and it's not even half of the semester yet. Heart issues are still there, it has not gone away yet (read previous post to know what I mean). But thank God for these God-send angels, she had been able to forget about it for a while. Hany is still very much her best friend, just that both of them are busy with their own life and commitments. But when they do have the time to catch up, they do it without fail.
Okay, why am I using a third person view talking about myself?
So what I was about to say is that, life has been treating me well. Sure there are ups and downs in life. But as time passes by, I realize that being in the right circle makes me happy. And looking for love doesn't make love come to me. Instead, it drives love away from me, or so I thought. I realize that, by loving myself more is what I need for the time being. And when the time is right, I believe that love will come to me because I had finally learn to love myself more. People say, how can you love someone when you can't love yourself enough? True also. And I could have not agree more with what John Lennon had said,
“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”
Sure, making plans are essential in order for you not to be swayed away from your original purposes in life. But believe me, no matter how bullet proof your plan is, remember that God is more powerful than you and I are. He knows what's best for us, and sometimes, what you think is best for you may not actually be the best for you. He gave you something else so that you realize of the finer things in life.
And the gift of friendship is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I am blessed with seven (including Hany) sisters from different parents. They know who they are; and they had made my journey on this Earth worthwhile. Life can be hard at times, and when life kicks you hard, it gave you friends. Best friends to be exact. I really love this quote because it says that,
which is true, because it so happens that the best memories are the ones that you least expect of it to happen.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” - C.S Lewis
And at another note, I'm proud to say that I was in a part of a flash mob! *refer to the picture with the Earth hour logo :D.*
So basically, this post sums up how my life has been so far. How about you? How is your life so far? :D
Love,
Marcy.
Xoxo
CONVERSATION
Day 96 of 366
My best guess (and so do the rest of the girls) is that, this is what he is doing to me. He is doing what I did to him when everything was still so rosy. And I've got to admit, it hurts a lot. I can't say on what level that it hurts for you, but the way that you 'played' this game, hurts me so much. There are days that I speculated a lot before I go to sleep. There are days that I looked for a sign to see what or how everything went wrong when it was so rosy then. And if this is what you are doing to me, I can totally say, I hate me too because I notice it later (I won't say "too late" because I believe that everything has it's own timing). I'm sorry if I didn't notice you then, that I was so wrapped up thinking of the ex when he is clearly moving on and you are the person who is willing to listen to my stories when nobody seem to care about it or beg me to move on already. I blame myself for failing to see all the signs that you do like me (don't you lie to me, most people I asked said no guys would do what you do if you have no feelings towards me) and the signs that God is trying to give me whenever I asked for them. I will try to be more vigilant next time. I think I am now. I thank God for the circle of friends I have now. They really are my eyes and my ears. Indeed the siblings that my parents forgot to give (not that I don't love my own siblings, I love them in my own way). But I can never hate you, even if you ask me to. Just like the lyrics to Geisha's Cinta dan Benci goes,
"Sungguh aku tak bisa, sampai kapan pun tak bisa membenci dirimu. Sesungguhnya aku tak mampu. Sulit untuk ku bisa, sangat sulit ku tak bisa memisahkan segala cinta dan benci yang ku rasa."
But I do beg, we do need to end this 'game' soon, if what we felt is the same, if we really worth the try. Because I've wasted so many 11:11 wishes, eyelashes, you name it, hoping that we will be together. And they say,
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with."
I let you go once, and you came back to me. Now, it seems like you are the one letting me go. Setting me free. You were the one who gave me wings for me to fly upon I achieved my freedom. And perhaps, you are the one testing me to see, whether I will come back to you or not. My answer is, I will, but give me time because I had a feeling that our timing now is indeed not right.
I just hope that everything is not too late for us, if there is 'US' to begin with.
CONVERSATION
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